X Marks the Spot

As is the case after every election, I am sad this week.

I have lost a lot of friends.

People who used to call me daily have stopped calling.

No one is telling me their tragic stories about lost or broken signs, or vandalized election literature.

No one is inviting me to campaign office barbecues or community gatherings. People have stopped telling me about their hopes and dreams for the province.

I sit at my desk, and for minutes on end, no matter how determinedly I stare at it, my phone refuses to ring.

My only remaining comfort from the halcyon days of Ontario Election 2007 is my overgrown election beard, which I pet regularly to calm myself.

Post-election Depression, or PED, is a serious condition. Reporters across the province are suffering from it this week. One of the symptoms is perpetual praying for an early federal election, in the hopes that a new election will postpone the feelings of abandonment.

Realistically, a federal election, which they say could arrive as early as Thursday if the opposition parties in the House of Commons decide to vote down the government, would only make PED longer and more unbearable. Sure, there would be a month or two of excitement to keep it out of mind, but what if the federal election returns a majority government?

That means we would have four years until the next provincial election, and four years until the next federal election, and three-and-a-half years until the next municipal election.

Since I started in this racket in 2003, just four years ago, I've covered two municipal elections, two provincial election, and two federal elections. That's six elections in four years.

If the nightmare/dream scenario of an autumn federal election becomes a reality, and a majority government is elected, I will then go more than three years with nothing so exciting to cover.

Then, my PED, which I usually consider to be a temporary condition lasting only until the next election, will become semi-permanent. Coupled with my PDLFS (Perpetually Disappointed Leafs Fan Syndrome), I may become catatonic this spring. I will simply stroke my out-of-control beard and mumble incoherently about divisive issues from elections past, and recount the many arguments in favour of the Mixed-member Proportional electoral system.