Random Access

They're gone.
The lamest couple on television since Mr. and Mrs. Cleaver.
The most annoying couple on the tube since Nick and Jessica.
The most dysfunctional pair on TV since Archie and Edith Bunker.
Yeah, I'm talking about the Canadian Tire couple. In case you missed it, a new ad campaign is coming and the CT couple are history.
Finito. Kaput. Gone to the big battery yard in the sky.
Speaking of battery acid, my tummy feels better already.
What is it that was so completely and utterly irritating about them anyway?
Whatever it was, it was potent. I mean, how can you revile an apparently benign pair of suburban duffuses (or is it duffusae?) who spend all their time doing home repairs, fixing the car, or inventing special gadgets you've never heard of in case of breakdown on the every-weekend camping trip?
Probably because, not since the Plaster Casters, has there been such a complete, blind, unthinking devotion to tools.
Perhaps what was so irritating was the fact that the latest gizmo available from Crappy Tire had such a transforming effect on the husband.
He was obviously a true believer in the latest widget-wonker that had been produced, whatever it was. He'd get that glazed fundamentalist true-believer look. Not only could he just not wait to try it but he had to burst into his neighbour's garage to show him the latest. ("He can't be a man, 'cause he doesn't use, the same ratchet set as me.")
If this guy lived in your neighbourhood, you wouldn't venture outdoors until you were sure he was gone, much like the neighbours of Mrs. Bucket (pronounced Bouquet) on Keeping Up Appearances.
There was something more-than-faintly fascist about the Canadian Tire couple, something unsettlingly out of whack. Did you notice how they never mentioned whether any of the products had been tested on the family pets in the making of the commercials?
At the end of those ads, you almost expected the mister, with his phony innocent smile and his all-plaid personality, to look into the camera and say: "You 'vill go to Canadian Tire. You 'vill buy this tool. And you 'vill collect Canadian Tire money."
Do you suppose that Mastercraft Tools were fashioned for devotees of the master race?
First the Scottish bully pushing Alexander Keith is pulled and now the Canadian Tire couple.
Wouldn't it be perfect if they were together forever in a continuous loop ad-rerun: the bully spending all day berating some unsuspecting nincompoop for spilling his beer and then Mrs. and Mrs C. Tire rushing in to tell us how their latest product removes beer stains and is perfect for buffing the car?